It's so pretty and golden! I can see my reflection in it!

By Dr. Dreidel



When I was little I loved my big wheel and I rode. I even tried in my house but my mom wouldn’t go for that. One brave morning I decided to ride to the end of the block and back. As I passed the driveway of the last house I looked up and saw my neighbor’s car backing down right at me. I froze.

Somehow, my neighbor saw me. Hit the breaks and got out to make sure I was ok.

I never have told anyone that story. It was just a small thing that happened along the way, but what if that car hit me. No more Phil. No more I90Shpeil, no more professional Jewish Leadership.

The world works in mysterious ways. Look at Queen Esther. Faced with the destruction of her people she hesitated. What could she do? If she said something the king might have her killed. But Mordechai answered her. “You’ll die? So what!?” She had to do something. So, Esther stood up to the King, making her decision not knowing if she was facing life or death, but knowing that what she was doing was right.

This week we read about Aaron the high priest. Aaron the prophet, the great communicator, who faced a similar leadership dilemma. Moses was gone and the people were starting to sweat. They thought, what if he doesn’t return? And they began to despair. They went to Aaron and demanded an idol. And Aaron relented. The story is told very plainly, the people went to Aaron, Aaron asked for golden jewelry to build the idol and an idol was built.

If you read deeper into the chain of events you find that Aaron too was desperate – one commentary reads that Aaron tried to delay the people from idol worship. If he could just slow them down until Moses returned then he could save the day. So he asked for Jewelry, thinking the women and men wouldn’t give it up. But they did. Then he said that he alone would have to make the Calf so that he could take his time, but before he knew it there stood the calf and the people began to worship it.

What could Aaron have done? Instead of slowing the process why did not Aaron stand up, channel Nancy Reagan and just say no? Was he scared to act?

I saw the Watchmen last week. It is a movie about the humans behind the masks. Essentially asking, “what kind of twisted person would really dress up and run around fighting crime?” For these characters, they felt most like themselves when they had their mask on.

We all have masks. We need them, and we feel more comfortable using them. But why? What is it about being human that we lie, we doubt and we assume alter egos?

If you flip through Jewish texts, you’ll notice God too has a Mask and that God’s presence becomes hidden the further you move beyond the books of the Torah. The story of Purim in fact does not mention God at all. Where was God when the Jewish people were about to be exterminated? A question that was echoed years later when we asked where was God during the Holocaust?

If God has a right to ask our ancestors, Adam, Abraham and Moses, where are you? Then we should ask where is God? And why is God’s presence masked from us?

The thing is, though, The Hebrews in the desert knew exactly where God was. They were the unmasked generation. So how could it be that the Hebrews in the Desert built the Golden Calf?

Look, I struggle with God’s existence all the time. But if God revealed himself to me, I think I would get the picture.

What I really like about this story is that it shows that it’s ok to doubt. If the generation that knew God’s voice could push Aaron to veer off the path, then so might we be pushed off the path.

If they could mess up then we can mess up.

Several things happened after the Golden Calf. Moshe shattered the tablets, God forgave the people after Moses repented, and then Moses asked God to unmask himself so that he could see God’s face.

Did Moses have doubts that God existed? Why did he want to see his face? I think it was to understand, not for himself but for the people. Essentially Moses was asking what we all ask everyday. What is the master plan? Why do bad things happen to good people?

We all want to know the master plan. When I was young and riding on my big wheel, is it possible that it was God that stopped that car from hitting me? I don’t know. But, as the Golden Calf shows us, not knowing is what it means to be human.

The Golden Calf altered our history. The second tablets were carved by the hand of Moses not by God. We still got the teachings, but this time we had to work for them.

We have a choice every day to either work hard and put in the effort to receive the teachings of our parents, teachers, and self help books. Or we can choose to just buy the leadership book but not read it.

Its natural for us to want to know, but not put in the effort. We just want to give our money to someone that we know will manage it for us. We don’t want to do the research. Why examine the investment strategy? If it’s good enough for Elie Weisel and Kevin Bacon, then it’s good enough for me.

That is the Golden Calf, the life of ease. We don’t have to think, we don’t have to tear away our attention from our iphones and gchats to concentrate.

But that is not the life of a Jew. We are here to do the work. We are here to ask questions and argue. We are here to lead and make the world a better place.

To be desperate is not a Jewish value. Desperation is not Jewish, because if you’re Jewish there is always hope. No matter how dark the times may be, we can hope and believe in our people and our covenant with the world. I can’t tell you whether or not to believe in God. But I can tell you that you should believe in doubt. Because that is the struggle. That is what makes us human.

Our fight to overcome our doubts and stand up for what is right is what will ensure that the Jewish people and each of our future endeavors will make a difference in the world. That struggle within each of us is what will ensure that the light that shines in our communities will not be the light reflecting off of our gold, but will be the light that shines out from the inside, the light of the righteous.

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Ki Tisa -- High (In)Fidelity

This was first performed for 200 people at a Statewide Shabbat at NC Hillel, and caught the attention of a Rabbi who said it would really benefit bar mitzvah students if I did this for every portion in the Five Books, which indirectly led to the foundation of this site. Crazy. Also, I spit it at the "Twelve Tribes" Open Mic at National Poetry Slam 2007, where it went over like gangbusters. Enjoy.

All I ask is your attention as I command it,
Use spoken word and put pen to page
To outline for y'all a critical stage
In Jewish history and I won't be vague

I'll unravel the mystery locked in the Parsha
This week, Ki Tisa relates the state of Jews at Sinai
Who got confused when they looked at the sky
And could not comprehend what they could not see
So they committed an act of infidelity
And created a calf that repped visibly
A notion of God they could understand
And they did all of this
under Aaron's command

Because he conciliated while Moses terminated
Said, "I'll be back"
and 40 days deliberated in a conversation with God
who at the end said something odd:
He saw the calf, said, "You don't know the half
Of what your people are doing at the foot of the path.
They're really not fooling me with their charade.
I'm 'bout to regulate
cuz I just got played."

Moses said, "Hold up ...

It ain't the right thing to do
You love these people try not to undo
The work of the Exodus and give rise to
Undue attitudes about a God who rescued his people only to off 'em
And turned the whole desert into one sandy coffin."

So Moses bounced — to see for himself
What his people had done with their material wealth.
He got so mad he shattered the tablets
Ground up the calf and let all of them have it
Aaron got frantic and tried to lie his way out
By telling Moses the calf came about all on its own
But Moses saw through that, knew he should atone
For the sins of the people who should turn to stone
Like Lot's wife -- the REEE-MIIIX!!
And the Levites believed it
So they stepped forward toward God
And had to carry out a terrible job
See, 3,000 people lost their lives that day
Because they almost undermined the whole Jewish faith

And lessons were learned by all parties involved:
The people needed to see that all idols aren't God
And the man upstairs needed to be fair
And not expect people to believe in the air

So stop ...

... and take a look at what surrounds you at the moment
And don't just do it now, do it any time you can control it
Every person and thing, please try to own it
Because God's in all of that
now take that thought and hone it into tangible form
So you don't have to dance by a calf to keep warm.

---

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Mishpatim: The Laws of Love

In the weeks before Valentine’s Day (I know, I know -- St. Valentine, not a Jew) and in contemplating my upcoming engagement, I’ve been thinking more and more about relationships, about love, and rules we follow for how we treat each other. Did you know that there is an increase in domestic violence on Super Bowl Sunday?

According to a study done by Indiana University, an average of 244 additional cases of domestic violence occur on Super Sunday. Even at times when the emphasis should be on love, people revert to the raw emotion of anger, and its spawn, violence. Throughout this Parsha I read words traditionally translated as referring to violence, here offered as guidance when someone wrongs you and how to get even. We find the often quoted “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a hand for a hand, a foot for a foot, a burn for a burn, a wound for a wound, a bruise for a bruise.” (Exodus 21:24-25). We also see continual references to women as property, and even wives are only promised “sustenance," "clothing," and "marital relations." I won’t be one to argue with these three necessities, but what about "respect," "safety," and "honesty"? Perhaps I’m reading the words of the Parsha too closely, but perhaps we should all rethink what sustenance really means -- don’t we need love to survive?

Also woven throughout Mishpatim -- just like life’s hardships -- are continual references and illusions to how to conduct respectful and loving relationships.

Unfortunately, there are no set-in-stone rules for love, and certainly not as many as the ordinances set out in Parsha Mishpatim. In this Parsha you read laws spanning agriculture, theft, carnal indiscretions, and holidays. But G-d also sets forth rules similar to guidelines for healthy relationships. Partners should learn:

• Give and take
  “If you take your neighbor's garment as security, until sunset you shall return it to him” (Ex. 22:25)
• Empathy
  “And you shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the feelings of the stranger, since you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” (Ex. 23:9)
• Loyalty
  “You shall not prostrate yourself before their gods, and you shall not worship them, and you shall not follow their practices.” (Ex. 23:24)

Maybe I’m consumed by the fires of love right now, but the last portion of Mishpatim (in which Moses ascends Mount Sinai and interacts with G-d), sounds strangely familiar to my own experiences with mortal love, in that sometimes reality is clouded, and love is brilliant and consuming:

“And Moses went up to the mountain, and the cloud covered the mountain. And the glory of the Lord rested on Mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it for six days, and He called to Moses on the seventh day from within the cloud. And the appearance of the glory of the Lord was like a consuming fire atop the mountain, before the eyes of the children of Israel. And Moses came within the cloud, and he went up to the mountain, and Moses was upon the mountain forty days and forty nights.” (Ex. 24:15-18)

So in the spirit of the Super Bowl, Valentine’s Day, and G-d’s ordinances, love each other by following the rules of fairness and honesty, and know that it’s okay to become consumed by love. Good luck and ... play ball!

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Yitro - Finding the Leaders in our lives

Dave Burnett painting a bomb shelter in northern Israel, Dec 2006.

Great leadership follows three key principles:

1. Know Yourself.
2. Know the value of servant leadership.
3. Know your values and do not deviate from them.
   

One leader that certainly heeded these rules was Martin Luther King, Jr. One of the greatest leaders and orators of all time, King became the spiritual leader of the United States during the civil rights movement of the 1960s. When he spoke, King tied current events with biblical imagery, often using it in new ways -- and Jewish ways, as well.

But did people follow King only for his speeches? No, sir. King led with his heart, and people respected him for that. They saw that he understood his own powers and limitations. He led by example, being arrested several times for refusing to back down in peaceful protest. And no matter what, King never deviated, even until the end. In his final speech, delivered the night before he was assassinated, King recommitted himself and his mission to action through non-violence.

In his final speech King states:

Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop.

And I don't mind.

Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!

In this speech, King draws a direct parallel between himself and Moses, the leader of the Hebrews, the one who went to the Mountaintop and looked out into the Promised Land. What did Moses see? How did it relate to what King saw?

Moses was one of King's heroes.

And the two had a lot in common, especially in terms of the tenets laid out above:

1. Moses knew himself.
Unlike King, Moses was not a great orator. Therefore, Moses kept his bro Aaron with him at all times. Aaron was the great communicator; Moses was the visionary. Without each, it would be a stretch to believe that the Hebrews would have made it to the promised land.

2. Moses knew the value of servant leadership.
The people did not just follow Moses blindly. They saw the work he put in. They saw that Moses was willing to submit himself to the Lord and no other. No body worked harder. This is the Michael Jordan rule:

I never took a day off. If I took a day off, then Scottie was going to take a day off. And then Horace. The next thing you know, the whole scope of what we’re trying to do is being weakened. I never took a shortcut, and I never wanted anyone else to take a shortcut. If that meant someone interpreted me as a tyrant, I’m pretty sure they’re appreciative now.

Michael Jordan worked the hardest. He set the example, and his teammates followed him. Moses was the Michael Jordan of the ancient Hebrews and he got them to the Promised Land.

3. Moses stayed true to his values.
He stayed true to God, even when he felt he was being pushed, put in uncomfortable positions and even when he was told he would never be able to enter the Promised Land.

Moses did not do it all by himself. He had Aaron, his "Scottie." He also had plenty of other helpers, other role players. One of these was his father-in-law Yitro. In the Parsha bearing his name, Yitro shows up to greet the triumphant Moses.

SCENE

YITRO
Hey Moses, so yeah ... I always thought you were a great guy a real wonderful new addition to our family. I have brought my daughter, your wife, to be with you.

MOSES
(aside)
Uhhhh ... yeah, sure. Now you want me as your son-in-law. All I had to do was part the Red Sea and lead thousands to freedom. Your daughter is great, but seriously -- you need me to move water for your approval?

(to YITRO)
Thanks, pop.

END SCENE

Yitro decides to spend a day with the Hebrews and observes Moses in action. Moses, the one that split the Red Sea. And after one day of observation, he immediately has advice for his son-in-law.

At the time, Moses was spending a large part of his day amongst the people, hearing their problems, teaching the Law, and passing judgment. Yitro felt like Moses was taking too much time to do this, and advised Moses to divide the people up by finding upstanding men to act as judges. Yitro felt Moses would be burned out if he kept up at the same pace every day.

Now, Moses was not only a visionary, but also a great listener and a follower. Should he have taken Yitro's advice? It is true that Moses was busy, but what about what Moses's teacher and guide (Comissioner G-O-D) wanted? Was God sending a message to Moses through Yitro? Was this a test?

A day or so later, Moses is charged with gathering the Hebrews together and getting them ready for the coming of the Lord, the moment when God reveals himself to the Hebrews at Mt. Sinai. Then Moses goes up to the Mountaintop to receive the Ten Commandments.

This is a heavy burden for anyone to handle, even Moses.

King handled a heavy load as well. But the two had vision. They had purpose. They had a love of life. They also both died before seeing their visions fulfilled.

Life doesn't always turn out the way that we want. Children die everyday. Great leaders are shot down at the podium. Millions of Jews perished needlessly in the Holocaust.

I just spent time in Lublin, Poland where I learned about Rabbi Meir Shapiro. Rabbi Shapiro was another great leader, one who pushed his physical and mental limits to benefit the Jewish people. He taught, he served in government, he revolutionized the way Jews across the world related to each other through study. And he died at a very young age (in his 40s).

Why was his life taken so early? Rabbi Shapiro died in the shadow of the Holocaust. Did he die so that he would not have to suffer? Wouldn't his leadership be needed to inspire his people to get through hard times? These questions remained unanswered. But the riddle remains.

Death is a riddle.

Recently, a peer of mine, Dave Burnett, passed away while hiking in Jordan.

Dave was an amazing friend and passionate leader. Rarely have I seen one so full of life. Where Moses led with vision and King led with communication, Dave led with spirit.

Dave was always surrounded with people. We were drawn to him. To be in Dave's presence was infectious. While together, you knew you would have fun and for a while be as full of life as he was.

Just like all great leaders, Dave knew himself, knew how to be a servant leader and knew his values. He did not deviate from these principals.

Sometimes a candle that burns brightest also burns the quickest. It is a shame that his wick did not last longer, but the light that he provided will shine on for a long time.

Dave was on his journey to the Mountaintop. He wanted to combine his love of his country, Australia, with his love of Israel and the Jewish people worldwide. Dave had a vision. And as we just celebrated the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. on his day, and as we read about Moses in Parsha Yitro and elsewhere in the Torah, so too must we celebrate the lives of other leaders in our lives.

Moses and King are prevalent images in our minds, but they are not attainable. Our friends and the leaders in our everyday lives are the ones that we can touch. The ones that make leadership real for us.

By knowing Dave, working with him, talking to him and having him in my life, I can truly say that I am better able to connect to the meaning of leadership, to my heroes and to Judaism.

Thank you Dave. You will be missed.

---

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Beshalach: The World Without Us

Imagine you are Pharaoh; ruler over the most powerful civilization on Earth. You have enslaved the Israelites for hundreds and hundreds of years. No heavy lifting is involved. Life is pretty good. But then one day, instead of waking up to the laborious groans of the collective slave population, you instead cough on the collective dust left in the wake of the Israelites flying the coup.

That’s right, this is the granddaddy of them all (no, not the Rose Bowl). Parsha Beshalach describes the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt and the parting of the Red Sea, the whole nine yards. When first daydreaming about this Parsha, one cannot help but reenact the infamous scene from the Ten Commandments with Moses (played by Charlton Heston) leading the Israelites to the Red Sea, while Ramses (Yul Brynner) is trying to figure out what happened and leads his troops to stop them. At this point, I consciously stopped my clichéd daydream and began to ponder this Parsha from Pharaoh’s point of view.

Don’t get me wrong, slavery is a bad gig and no one should condone it, but assuming it’s a viable alternative to stock one’s labor force, instantly losing it in its entirely could have some pretty catastrophic consequences on one’s economy and the overall morale of your people. Who would build the pyramids now?

When the Israelites fled Egypt, it was like someone turned off the lights, turned them back on again and everyone had vanished, leaving most of their possessions to live on without them. The World Without Us, by Alan Weisman, assumes a similar premise: At the blink of an eye, the entire human race simply disappears from the Earth. No trace of the human form is detectable. All human bodies have simply vanished.

Setting up this premise, Weisman dives into his non-fiction hypothetical by explaining the main legacy that the human race’s collective will bestowed upon the Earth – its infrastructure. Covering topics as varying as the extinction of species to the structural flaws of the NYC Subway System, Weisman extrapolates how long it will take before humans’ imprint in these realms disappears, if ever. Weisman even cites the Egyptian pyramids’ ability to entomb their contents (due to lack of direct sunlight, moisture, and oxygen) when trying to explain why plastics will never decompose: “Our waste dumps are somewhat like that. Plastic buried where there’s little water, sun, or oxygen will stay intact a long time.”

Like the reading of this week's Parsha prolonging the legacy of ancient Egypt, the choices we make have a profound effect on the future of both the Earth and mankind. Are you a Pharoah or Moses?

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Pursuing Perseverance (Vaera)

There's an old sports cliche, widely attributed to Hall of Fame baseball manager Sparky Anderson that goes, "If you have good players and if you keep them in the right frame of mind, then the manager is a success." Knowing the outcome of the story of Exodus, it's clear the G-O-D proved this truism by getting the Chosen People out of bondage, despite obstacles that would force a duo with weaker constitutions than Moses and Aaron to set down their staffs. (I'll spare you kids the lectures about Mo and Double-A debuting the roles MJ and Scottie would fill in the '90s. ... And the one about Moses not understanding no one is more important than the system, thus forcing the G(M) to rebuild on the fly around rising Biblical star Joshua.)

Okay, I lied about the first one -- it's relevant this week. Check the breakdown of Vaera:

Moses initially gets shot down by the people in his initial attempt at rallying them, so crushed are their souls by years of bondage. (See: wide-eyed Mike joining the Bulls.) So Moses expresses concern about his ability to lead, and God says he's on it, reminding Mo that Double-A has the ability to orate that the lead dog lacks. (See: Scottie got complementary game.) Finally convinced his boy is of right mind to do the damn thing, the G(M)OD sicks Mo and Double-A on the Bad Boys, at which point Pharaoh repeatedly lays the smack down. (See: The Pistons beating the Bulls many times.)

Strip away all else, and Vaera is a portion about perseverance. Moses (and Aaron!) spends the whole time trying to split a heart of stone like it's the Liberty Bell, hoping justice streams out upon the people of Israel. He marches out plague after plague, going through blood, frogs, lice, insects, pestilence, boils and hail. And seven times is teased with the taste of freedom for his people, but as God forewarns (Exodus 7:3), Pharaoh's heart stiffens and the Jews remain enslaved (7:13; 8:11, 15, 28; 9:7, 12). The final insult of the portion comes when Pharaoh finally concedes due to the hail (9:28), but takes it back AGAIN when Mo puts the kibosh on the wacky weather. (9:34-35)

At portion's end, the Jews were THIS CLOSE. But not there yet. And they've been rejected seven times. Our boy kept going back time after time because he believed in the system, that what he was doing would work. Moses questioned the system, but found a way to work within it, and kept slugging away. Something inside is telling him, "Coach knows what's up. This will be successful. And we almost got out that time! So close. Just wait 'til next plague!" We know Mo is rewarded three crazy MFing plagues later, but what's his motivation at the time? Why keep at this? It's clearly futile!

What it comes down to is this: Perseverance lasts as long as a goal matters to you. Because the second it doesn't matter as much, you're going to try a little less hard to achieve it, and be a little less successful. This often means taking chances that other people might find difficult. But one has to recognize when the cost has begun to weigh more than the benefit. You can live your 20s on a pittance while writing the Great American Novel I've thus far neglected to and still come out on top, but if you swing your 30s on a leaky pipe dream, you're gonna end up broke, wet and alone.*

Honestly, you can't always know if you're making the right decision at the time. All you can do is follow your instincts, and try to really listen to and build upon any criticism thrown your way. It took Jonathan Larson seven years -- and a lot of lessons in compromise -- to bring the Broadway musical RENT to production. Here's a quote from the book:

There were a lot of struggles between Jonathan and Jim [Nicola, artistic director] and us at the workshop. He took this project to other theaters, and they started it and dropped it because he was difficult to deal with. Jim was really great in teaching him how to be patient and how to collaborate. Jonathan just didn't trust us and needed us to say in writing that "you will produce my play by such and such a date." Jim said, "No, we'll see how it goes and keep working until it's ready to be produced."

--Martha Banta, assistant director at NYTW

Larson never lived to see RENT succeed, but his perseverance and learned ability to work within the system instead of against it drove that success. Broadway hasn't been the same since. It's a tale first told on the record 5,000 years ago, when Moses died without entering the Promised Land, only leading the Jewish people there. The student had become the master.

Never stop learning.

Always question where you're going.

I'll try to meet you there one day.


*I'm not grounding that paragraph in personal examples, because I feel like I've used them before (moving to Oneonta) or they're too raw, and not proper for the space. Let's pretend I did, k? Word.

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The Torah Gets Up on That Ass ... (Shemot)

My boy D Lycious hit me with a surprise commentary this week, so check the kid's debut post below:

Long before Sir Mixalot, us Jews have been "getting up on that ass" for centuries now. In Parshat Shemot, after HaShem does His best rendition of my favorite Pesach song, "Go Down Moses," there is an innocuous verse where Moses and fam do as HaShem says (which is always a good decision):

So Moses took his wife and his sons, mounted them upon the donkey, and he returned to the land of Egypt ... (Exodus 4:20)

Seems pretty simple, right? What better form of transportation to get to Egypt than a friendly, run-of-the-mill beast of burden? But as with everything in Torah, there is something deeper at play here ...

Why "the donkey"? I don’t know this donkey from my ass (pun intended), so why are we on such a close basis? Wouldn’t "a" donkey suffice as transportation to Egypt? Sure, but because dayenu, it would have been enough for a donkey to take them to Egypt, this must be “the” donkey of some yet-to-be-uncovered fame.

Let’s look a bit deeper: In Hebrew, the word for donkey is chamor, which appears in a few places before, such as when it comes to Abraham. There is a very similar situation where Abraham specifically packs up (in this case) "his donkey," namely during the Akedah or binding of Isaac (Genesis 22). Talmudic scholar Rashi, referencing Pirke d’ Rabbi Eliezer, has my back on this one. In his commentary of Exodus 4:20, he writes, that our ass is the donkey that "Abraham saddled for the binding of Isaac, and that is the one upon whom the King Messiah is destined to appear, as it is said: 'humble, and riding a donkey.' " (Zechariah 9:9)

Evidently this ass gets around and he’s pretty damn old, and evidently still kicking if the Messiah needs to get up on that ass some time in the future. Additionally, this chamor seems to have a magical power for seeking out the spotlight. First, he wanders in when Abraham performs the ultimate test of faith and then -- lo and behold -- the ass is there when Moses is sent to redeem HaShem's children from Egypt.

So right of the bat you know that Abraham’s ass is pretty magical, both in age and at stepping in shit. To quickly segue, we see that the ass is far more magical that Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey, who only helps one person do one particular important thing, but not as magical as Shrek’s buddy, Donkey, who also just helps one person but can talk! But if it’s a talking ass you want, all we have to do is look ahead to the portion of Balak, where Moses and people Israel come in contact with another chamor.

I’m sure that you’ll be able to read up more on this Parsha when it comes around in July or so, but for now, here’s a brief rundown: Moses has led the People Israel through the land of Moab, where the King Balak doesn’t take too kindly to them round there and sends a prophet, Balaam, to go curse the People Israel. Balaam "saddled his ass" to go with the princes of Moab to overlook the People Israel and curse them, but oddly enough his ass veered off course when HaShem sent an angel to stand in its path. Balaam didn’t really like this so he started beating the donkey, at which point HaShem made the donkey speak to Balaam with the proverbial "Why you gotta do me like that?" Then HaShem reveals to Balaam the angel that had been in the donkey’s way and Balaam is persuaded begrudgingly to become a double agent for HaShem against King Balak of Moab.

Overall, the Torah has many parables about asses. In particular it is associated with the physical and material -- chamor comes from the word chomer, which means "physicality." In Abraham’s and Balaam’s case, they "saddled" the ass, from the Hebrew word yachvosh, which comes from the verb "to conquer." However, when Moses "mounted" his family upon the chamor, the Hebrew word was yarkivem, which comes from the verb "to ride." What is different between these settings?

Abraham and Balaam, who are contrasted in Talmud (Pirke Avot 5:22, were required to submit to HaShem’s will and reject the physical, material temptations to either not kill your own son (understandable) or to be greedy (also understandable, but not as admirable). They had to "conquer" the physical world in order to perform the task at hand. However, for Moses, HaShem had already in the previous part of the Parsha explained what the true task was. Whether Moses and family got to Egypt by plane, train, or automobile, they just needed to get there; though the task was similar for Moses and his family -- to liberate the People Israel from their physical oppression and slavery, to conquer Pharaoh’s material grasp on their lives -- they were merely along for the "ride."

So it is with life, that though we may all strive to be more spiritual and do away with the material crap that seems to weigh us down, it’s cool to use asses ... I mean, the physical world, to get us where we want to be spiritually.

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This food tastes like “B'haalot'kha”

“Have you ever went over a friends house to eat
And the food just ain't no good?
I mean the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed,
And the chicken tastes like wood.”

--Sugarhill Gang, Rapper’s Delight

We’ve all been there. In a situation when we’re trying to do the right thing, but no matter how hard we try, obstacles arise like soggy macaroni or Robert Horry hip-checking your team's best player into the ground.

In the song above, Imp the Dimp was faced with gross food, but he didn’t want to say something rude and hurt his friend’s feelings. So instead, he fakes that he’s sick. But it doesn’t work and Imp gets called out, putting his friendship in jeopardy.

Amare Stoudemire rushes from the bench to help his friend get up from the ground - a completely natural reaction - and he gets a one game suspension, costing the Suns the series.

Apparently, doing the right thing is not always so easy.

How many times have I heard this over the years?

How do you think Moses felt?

Talk to a bush!

Turn water into wine!

Free your people!

Part the sea!

Climb a mountain!

All while having people believe he is not super crazy.

In the previews for Evan Almighty, Steve Carell is asked to build an ark by God himself, or Morgan Freeman. Everyone thinks he’s nuts. So listening to a talking bush? Not the easiest thing to do, as is choosing whether to leave college early to play sports professionally in order to help one's poor family make ends meet, or staying in school to get an education?

Another cliché straight from my father’s mouth reminds us that two wrongs do not make a right.

In this week’s reading from the Torah, B'haalot'kha (gezundheit!), things get even more complicated. Surprised? No, it’s a Jewish document.

Early in the Parsha, Moses is explaining the laws and decrees for the Pesach (today’s Passover holiday) offering. (Num. 9:1-14) One of the conditions of making the sacrifice is that anyone who had been in contact with a corpse could not make the sacrifice. (Lev. 7:20-21)

Seems pretty cut and dry, until a few of the Hebrews approach Moses to let him know this isn’t fair, or right. The fellers in question came in contact with a corpse only through doing a good deed or mitzvah. (Num. 9:6-7)

They were essentially doing the right thing, but later having it only come back to hurt them.

This is a situation that happens all the time. As a former fraternity president I have first-hand experience. For example, after announcing a new attendance policy, it did not take more than a second for my brothers to come up to me and let me know why this should not apply to them. Sometimes there were good arguments, and sometimes having to go to your girlfriend’s to “help her study” during meeting time just didn’t cut it.

The decision on who deserved a reprieve after being wronged by the new rules had to be made. Not an easy thing to do, especially having to balance so many people’s concerns.

Back to Moses.

Moses is hit with this moral dilemma, and what does he do? Well he was a prophet, so just like Commissioner Gordon, Moses whips out his prophet phone, dials 613 and gets God on the line. Going something like this:

“Yo, God!”

SUP BOI?

“This Moses.”

I KNOW, MAN, I AM THE ALL-KNOWING.

“Right. So I got these Heebs here. They feel that since they were doing a good deed when they came in contact with the dead, that they should still be able to rock the Pesach offering. Thoughts?”

IT’S ALL GOOD MY MAN. LET THEM KNOW THEY CAN PREFORM A SECOND OFFERING AT A LATER DATE. NOW I GOT TO GO, BRITNEY SPEARS IS ABOUT TO SHAVE HER HEAD AGAIN 3,000 YEARS AWAY, AND I CAN’T TAKE THE GLARE.

-Click-

For Moses, it was that easy. I wish I had a phone with a line straight to the all-knowing to sort things out. But since I don’t, I have the Torah to both confuse me and offer me insight.

In this instance, the wronged are righted by having a separate ceremony. Moses did a good job by looking into the rule book to see if there were any loopholes.

However, sometimes doing the right thing does lead to a future wrong instead of another right, like speeding to get your pregnant wife to the hospital as she is going into labor, but still getting a ticket. The cop doesn’t care why you’re speeding, he's just doing his job.

The nice thing is that we have a kind and just God to figure these things out.

Ultimately, you have to live with your consequences, even if you are doing what you think is right.

In "Rapper’s Delight," Imp the Dimp, trying to do the right thing, chose to fake sick rather than just say that the food was bad.

In a similar fashion, after a fair amount of wandering (remember, the name of the book means “In the Desert”), the Hebrews begin to complain that the “manna tastes like wood” and there is no meat to eat when there was plenty in Egypt. Then, Miriam complains to Aaron that Moses, as the highest prophet around, has been neglecting some of his other duties, specifically his marital ones, in working to remain pure all the time. A seemingly fair complaint - he is the man with the great wooden staff; shouldn’t his wife get to enjoy that?

Well, complaints and slander did not sit well with The Commissioner. The Heebs are flooded with meat and those that eat it are punished, while Miriam gets leprosy and has to leave camp, embarrassed, for seven days. Aaron gets off the hook by immediately apologizing, while Moses tries to make amends all around. Again, not an easy thing to do - have you ever tried mediating an argument between your mom and your sister?

So the end of the weekly reading leaves us with hives, gluttony, wrath, and one very important lesson:

If you ever go over to your friend’s house to eat and the food just ain’t no good, you should probably just eat it. Be thankful for the food that is on your plate. Thank your friend for his hospitality. And stop at Wendy’s on the way home.

KB24 and the Kosher Connection (B'haalot'kha)

During the last few days, Los Angeles Laker and best-player-in-the-L (LeBron disagrees) Kobe Bryant found himself so unhappy with Laker management that he demanded a trade. Then he didn't. Then he did for real. Then again, maybe they can work something out. In short, KB24 was feeling a little Jewish.

Wait, what?

How does Kobe flip-flopping harder than John Kerry McCain make him an honorary Member of the Tribe? Simple: He had a Moses moment. One need only browse this week's Parsha, B'haalot'kha, to see how.

As the Israelities march from Sinai to Kadesh, they begin to complain at Kibroth-Hattaavah. Bemoaning the all-manna, all-the-time diet God provides to insure the Chosen People don't become malnourished ones, the peanut gallery clamors for the meat, fish, cucumbers - anything, all of which they had while living in Egypt, conveniently forgetting the harshness of that whole slavery deal. (Num. 11:4-6)

This, of course, incurs the wrath of the G-O-D, which combines with the burden of leading a people dissatisfied by a situation that while not ideal, frequently offers moments of transcendence and forces Moses to challenge the management:

And Moses said to the Lord, "Why have You dealt ill with Your servant, and why have I not enjoyed Your favor, that You have laid the burden of all this people upon me? Did I conceive all this people, did I bear them, that You should say to me, 'Carry them in your bosom as a nurse carries an infant,' to the land that You have promised on oath to their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all this people, when they whine before me and say, 'Give us meat to eat!' I cannot carry all this people by myself, for it is too much for me. If You would deal thus with me, kill me rather, I beg You, and let me see no more of my wretchedness!" (11:10-15)

So Moses (Kobe) is starting to crack under the pressures of leading a people (the Lakers) to the Promised Land (an NBA Championship) and feeling like God (Jerry Buss/Mitch Kupchak) isn't giving him the resources (good teammates) to make this all possible. While it remains to be seen how things develop for our basketball-playing friend, B'haalot'kha reveals God first spread Moses' burden upon 70 elders (11:16) before providing a slew of quail outside the borders of the camp, for people to collect and eat as they wish. (11:31) But the meat was tainted, and plague struck anyone to imbibe. (11:33)

The Biblical Recommendation

The Lakers should assuage as many of Kobe's people as they can to ease the pressure he's feeling, and then trade him for spare parts to teach their fans a lesson. One should note, however, it took 40 years for God to get the Jews to the Promised Land ...

Steve Nash = Moses?

So a soft launch it is: Great post today by Sam Rubenstein over at basketball magazine SLAM. He compares the cases of Steve Nash (never got to the NBA Finals) to Moses (never got to that other "Promised Land"). Here's a highlight:

Steve Nash was drafted by the Phoenix Suns but didn’t play much there. He was sent to Dallas, where he became an NBA star, learning under the leadership of Mark Cuban. Cuban exhibits many traits of a Pharaoh, such as an obsession with material wealth, power, tyrannical habits, megalomania, and more. Dallas and many parts of Texas have a credo that “Bigger is better.” They might as well have pyramids and a Sphinx or two down there. I guess they do have that in Memphis, but that’s a city named after the city from the ancient world where… okay, going too far.

While that kind of synchronicity is rare, this is one kind of thing you might see here. We're going to strive to be anything but dry. You'll encounter a wide variety of voices, styles and concepts, from spoken word to prose to anything anyone can come up with. Get hype.

Four days.